Parenting, Ramblings

We are on the countdown to the World Cup

We are on the countdown to the World Cup. I have just procured Ted, a sticker book. Dangerous and Ted are extraordinarily excited..

I am worried about how excited they are.

I will be starting my usual help groups for those afflicted at this unusual time. There are but a few weeks in any given year when we don’t have to suffer the televised kicking of a ball by overpaid young men but every four years we get no time off despite good behaviour.

The World Cup just adds insult to injury. There is now no time in between the finish of last season and the start of the next one.

It’s like it’s big business or something.

Dangerous has just informed me that he’s thinking of buying an even bigger telly than we’ve already got, such is his enthusiasm for the “beautiful game”. He will, no doubt be buying crates of beer and buying England shirts for himself, two of the little shits and Thug Pug.

In response to his ridiculous and unfair demands for all things World Cup, I have decided to make a safe haven for myself and other women effected at this time.

First of all, look for the signs. Is your man effected? Not all are…

Have you taken delivery of a very large box that could have had a massive telly inside?

Has your other half been talking about betting odds a lot recently?

Is there a stockpile of beer in the shed or under the stairs?

Has he been buying stickers for an album claiming that they’re for your children?

Has he been humming “World in Motion” and practising the lyrics for his John Barnes rap?

Any England flags lurking about?

Fuck, check that his passport is still around and the selfish bastard hasn’t actually booked himself a plane ticket to Russia…

Once you have ascertained that he has in fact succumbed to the mass hysteria, fear not. Help is at hand.

A short sharp shock is needed, just like with any addiction. Don’t become an enabler. Don’t sit down with him and watch a couple of the matches. You will just be enabling him in his sad and pathetic addiction.

Let him get on with it. He needs to hit rock bottom before he will want to seek help.

Simply Join “Fashion Forward Bitch” where we will be helping women with advice on

When the Zara sale starts.

What size to buy in that lovely Cos dress.

Offering reasonably priced bottles of wine to go with any outfit.

Talking about Rew scarves and jumpsuits.

And generally ignoring the whole thing.

To cheer you up, I have taken some photos of my modelling for Rew today with the lovely Rachel Medicott.

I’m utterly shit at modelling so I just copied what the real one did. It really is an art form. She was like a goddess whilst I channeled Pat Butcher. The lovely photographer took a picture of me down a back alley, sitting on a beer keg.

Get looking for his passport…