Live from the Leisure Centre, Parenting, Ramblings

We are live from the leisure centre

We are live from the leisure centre.

It is full of nice parents that don’t snarl like a psycho at their little darlings. I, on the other hand have been banging my head against a wall and weeping/swearing whilst intermittently snarling at them.

Banging your head against a wall is quite an effective means of blocking out the pain caused by three little shits whom have no concept of time and still can’t dress themselves. Other ways are drinking vast amounts of alcohol. I have checked and the leisure centre doesn’t allow alcohol on the premises.

Today we (that’s me and the little shits) are going to be working on a concept that my darlings still find very difficult to grasp.

It’s centred around socks and the misuse of socks and footwear in general.

I have tried explaining the concept in its entirety but as they are only six, eight and ten, they have been struggling to comprehend this unbelievably complex subject.

Socks are worn on the feet to stop the outer shoe rubbing against the skin and creating pain. Socks can also be used to gather up the perspiration that comes from the foot and then washed so that the footwear/shoe does not harbour foul odours from the perspiration.

Today we will be working on part of this principle.

Reasons that you shouldn’t wear socks outside and also reasons that you should never leave socks outside overnight or for a few weeks.

1, if you wear socks outside without shoes, they will become possibly wet but definitely very dirty.

2, wearing socks outside will not protect your feet from stones and banging them on things.

3, if you leave your socks outside for a while, they will be taken by the fox or an earwig could use it as a home.

4, if you leave your socks outside, Mum won’t be able to wash the dark brown stained socks because she won’t be able to fucking find them.

5, if it is wet outside and you walk around with your socks on, then come back inside, you will make wet and muddy footprints on the floor.

That’s enough for this module now. They can’t take too much in at once.

This afternoon, we are also going to be having an introduction on the complexities of how Mum will go fucking mental if you throw lolly sticks and other rubbish under the bastard trampoline.

I’m out, out tonight!