Tomorrow I am modelling. I have informed the people that I’m modelling for that I’m wooden and can’t follow directions. I don’t know my left from my right and if a camera is pointed in my direction, I can’t think properly. Apart from this I’m usually an excellent model of size twelveish clothes.
Unfortunately, I have spent the last ten days eating and drinking like a voracious Wild animal that’s been hibernating over winter, then gone on an all inclusive holiday. I did run quite a lot too but not enough to stop me looking like a snake that swallowed a goat.
I have spent the day drinking water and eating fruit in a bid to lose seven pounds by tomorrow. I have eaten a whole grapefruit, some cherries, three satsumas and about half a pound of grapes. I stole a quarter of buttered bagel at breakfast time and there were those two biscuits that looked at me.
I’m like the fucking greedy caterpillar.
All I need to do now is build a cocoon.
I am running in the morning so there’s a good chance that I will indeed have lost the seven pounds.
Or I could wear Spanx.