Parenting, Running, Wironing

Today has all been about things going tits up apart from our run.

Today has all been about things going tits up apart from our run.

We had to cancel a play date for our middle child because he decided to go and play out by himself without telling anybody. I caught him just outside the front door, which was very lucky. Much Shouting and screaming ensued, mainly about getting murdered or run over. Now, any parenting guru worth their salt knows that in this situation, you need to stand back, gather yourself together and just shout fucking louder. Things escalated quickly as they are prone to do in our house until Oscar jumped on my back in a rage like a cowboy in a bar room brawl. I tried to get him off and hit him in the family jewels by accident. The screams were probably heard in Birmingham.
I put him to bed and told him that you can’t jump on your mummy’s back if you are a bit cross with her because she said that you’re over tired and tried put you to bed. Not to be outdone and wanting the last word He reasoned that he understands my points however he hates me and is going to shoot me. #parentinggoals #makingmemories

I went to Aldi but got waylaid in TKMaxx forgetting that it was Sunday, I returned home with a new handbag (concealed in the car), a packet of chicken breasts and some booze as Aldi was shutting as I sauntered up the first aisle. They mean business as well. They don’t fuck around in Aldi. It’s ruthlessly efficient. Shutters actually came down on the refrigerators as I grabbed a packet of chicken a la Harrison Ford in Indiana jones just making it out of the tomb as it shuts. I actually ran round the store to try to procure food befitting of my murderous little family.

I found the two loads of washing that had been dry on the line on my departure, now piss wet through.

I got stuck into the Wironing to cheer myself up, occasionally cuddling Trevor who is very unwell with a cold. Dangerous told me that Oscar hadn’t actually slept despite World War III and was currently loading his weapons to get vengeance for the pain that I had caused him. Thank fuck we don’t live in the land of the free so he hasn’t got access to real machine guns.

“We need to talk about Oscar”

Chin chin and up yer bum Mofos