Live from the Leisure Centre, What I'm wearing

We are live from the leisure centre.

We are live from the leisure centre. We were late. We were very late. There’s hardly any fucking point being here as we are so very late. I am not hungover. I spent last night having a nervous breakdown as I realised that my post about the piss up in the brewery had the wrong email address on and the wrong account details. I only realised this after some money had gone missing. I eventually worked out who’s account details I had inadvertently used and found the money. I only had one job to do…….

We have lost three new pairs of goggles. They were bought last week and lost last week. We have lost all the swimming caps. We have lost the shampoo and conditioner. What the fuck planet was I on last week?

I have been for a run this morning. That is why I was late. I tried to do the map a cock and balls challenge on my runkeeper app for our new running group “Run Bitch Run” I set off well and got one of the balls perfectly. I got half of the cock done including a cheeky wink and then I took a wrong turn. I ended up doing an extra mile and a half when I only had time to do 4 miles. It looks nothing like a cock or balls.

I have one thing to say and it is this “over 3000 members in two days. I’m really glad that the other group threw my post off. Now we’ve got our own family of runners that like swearing, boozing and gratuitous wound photos”

Haha Mofos

Fuck my life though – fucking £15 for new goggles, £3 for new hats and new shampoo and conditioner. The little shits are in for it.

Dress Monki £25
Leather jacket Zara sale £20 last year.
Trainers £5.99 Zara sale last year
Bag Marc Jacobs £66