Dear Totes

I’ve come to you (figuratively) for advice

Dear Totes

I’ve come to you (figuratively) for advice as I know you are a fellow gob shite and wise woman of the world.

I’ve found myself alienated by my friendship group over the last few months. We’ve been friends since school but the bunch of cows frequently exclude me from get togethers and have been completely disinterested in my life for a while now. But the advice I’m after is not about them as they are shoddy mates and can suck it.

What I want to know is how do you make new fabulous friends who care about your welfare, like to do nice things with you and don’t talk about you behind your back? Where do you go to meet them? Do people find it weird when you start talking shite to them at the gym? Can I counteract my resting bitch face? At 22, I am probably too young to be spending Saturday nights at home (although the lack of gin will help to prolong my miserable, lonely existence).

Thanks, Totes. P.S. me and my Mam think you are great!

Love V

Dear V

You need to get out there and make some new friends and I have an answer. It’s not “the” answer but it’s my answer. Simply invite yourself along to something and get twatted beforehand. This is a great way of making friends. You have to be the right level of twatted or it won’t work. Sort of so minging that you can still be understood but not that you shag a milkman or start a fight with somebody. I hope that you are getting ready to go out now as 22 is too young to be in on a Saturday unless you are still in a mess from Thursday and Friday.
Fuck the other bitches. They sound shit and boring. You sound like you are ace. Get out there and don’t forget to be really fashion forward whilst going about all this. That really helps.

Does anybody else have any advice for V?