I’m off to Thumbelina’s fortieth birthday party. As it’s national Gin Day. I will be drinking gin. I will be drinking gin whilst giving all my wonderful worldly advice about why her forties are going to be fucking epic. She probably just wants to get pissed and dance but she’s going to have to listen to my shit advice too.
I have even bought her a present. I bought her what I wanted for myself but I bought it in teeny weeny size. I’m still unsure that it’s small enough.
I’m half way through my forties so I’m the best placed person to offer lots of brilliant advice on this halfway point in life.
Forty sounds scary but it’s an excellent decade to finally get to know yourself and stop giving so many fucks about things that don’t matter.
Forty something is the ideal age to;
Try a new hairstyle. I spent so many of my younger years with blonde hair in a pony tail. It was really boring but it was my security blanket. I used to have nightmares that I’d had my hair cut really short and hated it. When I finally got my hair cut super short, I loved it.
Try a new look, stop trying to be so feminine and girly. I’ve been watching “Love Island” and whilst it’s fair to say that I was never as slim and toned as the girls are on that programme, neither are most people. The contestants all look the same. They’ve got that really long, ironed flat or spiral hair, false eyelashes, contouring thing going on. I’m sure that they wouldn’t want to look like me either but I’m glad that I’m not young now, it looks like really hard work. It looks a lot harder work than when I was in my twenties. Not many fuckers in their forties has got time for the sort of effort that goes into looking like that because we’ve got better stuff to do like…
Reading a book whist drinking gin.
Trying a different career, do things on your terms. If you’ve had kids and taken some time off work, why not take stock and see if there’s something that’s more fitting to where you’re at now.
Being kinder to yourself.
Having more baths.
Buying yourself lots of presents.
Drinking fucking lots of wine.
Stopping ironing stuff or only ironing whilst drinking wine.
Wearing loads of bright clothes.
Learning to breakdance
Singing brilliantly at karaoke bars
Running lots of marathons
Taking up yoga and any other number of things that hitherto you would have considered “beardy weirdy”
I’m not going to tell her about all the shit stuff about being in your forties because she hasn’t got any wrinkles and she’s only given birth once so she’s probably got a better pelvic floor than me.
Happy Birthday Thumbelina AKA Stacey, let’s get pissed up and I’ll teach you to breakdance a la Totes.
And to everyone else Happy National Gin Day
Chin chin Up yer bum Mofos.
The crush gin is very nice and I think that I’ve got a discount code somewhere.