Parenting, Ramblings

I have come over all “Mary Poppins” instead of “Cruella Devil”

I have come over all “Mary Poppins” instead of “Cruella Devil”

We have had two consecutive school day mornings without my shouting at the little shits. We have left the house on time in a calm and measured way. We walked quickly to school, without anybody punching a sibling. This is after perhaps the worst week that I’ve ever had with them last week. Barely a second went past without one of them kicking or gouging another.

Punching is so last year. Punching is out. 2018 is all about trying to inflict the most damage that you can on your opponent in the most underhand and violent manner that you can think of. Last week alone we had a gouging to the neck, a flying kick to the chest with two feet, a stamping, a couple of nipping incidents and the usual shit with weapons. The Russians have fucking nothing on the Stankard’s.

Oscar told quite a big fib yesterday and we caught him out on it this morning (most people would call it a fuck off massive lie, but like I said “Mary Poppins!). I didn’t shout at him. I simply told him that he had better finish his homework tonight and he did it the second that he walked through the door after school.

I made everybody hot chocolate when we got in from school and we all had a cuddle.

A calmness has descended over Totes Towers. I have only flicked Dangerous the V sign once or twice in the last 4 days. What is wrong with me?

I wonder if Dangerous has paid United utilities to put Sertraline in our drinking water? Or maybe I will wake up and it will all have been a dream like in Dallas when Pam woke up and Bobby was still alive.

You don’t get that sort of shit anymore on telly, although I wouldn’t put it past the scriptwriters of Eastenders. I used to watch Eastenders but I couldn’t follow the increasingly bizarre plots. It would be ace if Arthur Fowler and Pete Beal came back to be greeted by Wellard the Alsatian.

I’m trying to think of my favourite Eastenders character. Is Cat Slater still in it? No…I’ve gone mental! My favourite was Pat Butcher. I loved Pat. I can’t think why…

Who was yours? Please don’t say anybody current or I won’t know what you’re talking about.


Pleather trousers £10 H&M
Top Zara £15.99
Boots Fly
Specs Kirk & Kirk.

Chin chin for ‘‘tis Twatted Tuesday.