I bet you didn’t know that I’ve got a crack team of dedicated athletes training for a new Olympic sport here at Totes Towers!
Yes that’s right, my three little darlings go above and beyond in their dedication to their chosen new sporting endeavour “Dehydration”.
Yesterday I was super proud when I found all the clean school issue water bottles on the kitchen work surface still full of water as they hadn’t been taken to school.
It’s hard work, this not drinking and can lead to all sorts of painful sporting issues like constipation and lethargy. “Can’t think straight at school? Yes darling that’s because you’re dehydrated!”
“Ewwww my wee is brown!” “Wee is for losers. You must have actually drunk something to wee. You’ve let yourself and your team down – now go and have a long hard look at yourself. Team GB doesn’t accept losers that hydrate themselves enough to wee!”
“I’m hungry Mummy” “no darling, you aren’t – you’re dehydrated. I’m so proud of you”
And in case you think that you might have a rival for my accomplished little team, let’s talk kidney infections and stuff because I am one proud Mummy!
“Kidney function test anyone!
“Be careful to not ingest any water when you brush your teeth darling!”
“LA is calling darlings and you need to be ready. Wizened and shrivelled….”
If dehydration were an Olympic sport……
Sports personality of the year…..
Too fucking right! Better than lewis Hamilton or Andy Murray….I’d be more fashion forward than Murray’s mum though, with my little team of athletes dedicated to abstaining from all things liquid.