Have you ever tried helping a very tired six year old with their homework?
What about helping a tired and tearful six year old to do their homework whilst helping an eight year old with fractions and packing a case for a three day residential trip for a ten year old who wants to take the smelliest oldest skank trainers that she owns which you suspect are too small for her anyway?
Have you ever tried suggesting that a ten year old girl could perhaps think about taking the Converse and the Vans that are both far nicer than the smelly filthy ones that she wants to take with her?
Now, add in two loads of washing and having ironed for three hours after walking in from one and a half hours walking around a park, pretending to watch the eight year old play football with a Pug, followed by a nine year olds birthday party in Manchester.
It’s not that bad is it? I mean, it wouldn’t kill you…would it?
Now it’s 7.15 and the ten year old informs you that she also needs a packed lunch for tomorrow. You’ve got three hours of ironing to put away and you need to pop out to get travel sickness pills…
A fight on the trampoline, fucking Brazil on the telly and now Dangerous isn’t speaking to me.
Oscar also isn’t speaking to me and Bella isn’t speaking to me.
“So Zoran’s dad works on his computer and his favourite food is lasagne!”
“Look at the columns. They tell you what Zoran’s fucking dad does!”
“NO, YOU NEED TO COLOUR THE SECOND SET OF FRACTIONS IN A DIFFERENT COLOUR OR YOU’LL HAVE COLOURED EVERYTHING IN GREEN, THAT WON’T WORK WILL IT?”
“JUST TAKE THE CONVERSE AND THE VANS AND WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING BIRKENSTOCKS THAT I BOUGHT YOU TWO WEEKS AGO?, OH OKAY I’LL WASH THE SKANKY TRAINERS BUT THEY WONT DRY IN TIME!”
I’m now considering running away from home. Whilst I’m out, I could get the disposable paper bags for the packed lunch, the specified eight quid pocket money and the travel sickness tablets.
Maybe tomorrow, I’m too tired now.