Earlier this week, one of my good friends told me that one of our group members Sarah Lundy’s husband was missing. The police had asked her to start a campaign on social media to ask for sightings of Darren as he was at risk of suicide.
We all shared the post about him being missing and we hoped for a positive outcome. Days went past. I willed for him to be on a bender in a pub somewhere, and come home, sorry and with his tail between his legs. In the meantime Sarah posted to say that although she was unbelievably worried, she appreciated everyone’s help and kind words.
Unfortunately, the worst had happened. Sarah has lost her beloved husband, Darren. He
was found two days ago. He leaves behind his wife Sarah, nine year old son and two older children. I have three children, around the same age as the youngest. It’s impossible to think how I’d carry on without my husband.
I have received lots of messages from people who wanted to help. A really kind lady that I’ve been in contact with has offered to talk to Sarah as she lost her husband eighteen months ago. Another lady offered her holiday cottage for when Sarah and her son feel that they might want to get away for a week. We wanted to show our support for the family, so a “Go Fund Me” account has been set up for donations.
I messaged her this morning and cried when she responded. I can’t imagine the pain that she’s in. My words to her seemed trite and of little substance.
I’ve thought about it a lot and whilst money won’t help the grief that she feels but it will take care of the everyday bills. It will give her breathing space and let her spend time with their son as they grieve.
She’s a lovely lady, her words this morning were brave and even funny, at such a dark time. She’s going to have to show real grit and determination to get through the next few weeks and months but she will do that for her child.
This is the only way that we can help. I wish that there was something more that I could do.
Darren had Multiple Sclerosis. The diagnosis and the decline in his health brought about the depression that led to his suicide. Life can be so fucking cruel. Multiple Sclerosis is cruel.
We do need to talk openly about depression in men and why suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of fifty, in this country. Women are statistically more likely to experience depression than men but are much more likely to seek help.
I’m going to raise a glass to Sarah tonight. I’m going to raise a glass with Sarah to her husband Darren too.
Please do the same.