Dear Totes

Two weeks ago, I told my boyfriend to Fuck Right Off

Dear Totes,

Two weeks ago, I told my boyfriend to Fuck Right Off in a menopausal rage. I spent the rest of the evening hi-fiving myself and feeling generally marvellous. I then rehearsed cool and witty retorts for the endless texts and calls begging for my forgiveness. However, it seems said boyfriend was far more obedient than I gave him credit for and he did in fact Fuck Right Off. So…my problem is: do I spend the entire Easter weekend watching back to back Real Housewives of Cheshire with an endless supply of Prosecco or shall I hit the hard stuff and go for red?
Please help me, oh what should I do?

Dear boyfriendless

I wouldn’t worry. On the plus side, you’ll have the bed to yourself and you won’t have to share your Easter eggs.

On the question of booze, I’d go red. Prosecco is so last year.

But what does everybody else say?