Dear Totes

I have been living in fear of being found out

For some time now I have been living in fear of being found out. To everybody else I seem as though I have everything. I’m handsome with a permanent tan apart from around my eyes. My hair is a rich shade of orange. I have a trophy wife and I’m really fuck off stinking rich. Power has never eluded me. To be frank I’ve got it all on the surface but deep down I’m worried that I’m not clever enough. I mean I am really clever but maybe that’s not enough. I’m a a bit shit at geography but that doesn’t matter much in my line of work. Actually I’ve thought about it and actually I’m fine. I know that I’m really bastard clever but sometimes…..

I have dark fears that I’m been used as a puppet and that everybody is laughing at me. When I feel like this, I usually do something to make myself feel better like maybe casually sexually assaulting somebody for laughs or perhaps trying to deny minority groups. This usually works but it’s not quite as effective any more. Sure I can always hang out with the uneducated to make me feel superior but now it’s starting to lose its sheen.

Recently I have been fantasising about missiles whilst masturbating. I’m fairly sure that this is normal behaviour. My peers seem to have similar tastes. The other night though I got a bit over excited and actually pressed the button when I came. The wife and I have sepetate bedrooms so she doesn’t know. To be honest I don’t think that she’d give a flying fuck anyway. She’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I’m not sure that she cares for me.
Some of the other guys that I hang with have got better access to toys than me. This makes me feel jealous. There’s this one guy that gets to play more with his nukes more than me. This makes me feel impotent with rage but my guys that look after me won’t tell me who it is. It could be somebody in South Korea or Iraq or something.
So Totes please can you help my wife become a fashion forward bitch before the nuclear holocaust. She’s just not got it going on at the moment. She’s a bit meh, you know beige and she doesnt act the same when I grab her by the pussy anymore. I think that she knows that I do it to other people too. She just needs a new outfit.

Thanks Donny

Dear Donny
I have it on good authority that the new season will bring with it grey, tattered and blood stained. She might be in the bunker with you but she will be relevant. She’ll be in front of the curve so to say. She’ll be working the look before everybody else.
Might be be so bold as to suggest that you might also benefit from some sartorial advice yourself. I’m thinking green with a cap. If you need something to offset the green with your orange hair you could always try a white circle with a black cross with flicks. This would really work with your colouring.