So the saying “you couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery” was coined when a mother of three unfortunate children decided to hold a Running event that ended with drinks at a brewery. She thought that it would be nice to have a jolly with her friends, then get pissed afterwards. How hard could it be?
Well the answer is really hard if you happen to be a thoroughly disorganised and chaotic individual like myself. I don’t think that I’ve ever really realised just how disastrous I am until quite recently. I can’t arrive anywhere on time, I don’t do cards of any description especially Christmas cards and I have little if ever, remembered any sort of appointment. This month alone, I have misread the date of Trevor’s operation and failed to turn up for it. I have forgotten that it’s half term next week (that could be a subconscious thing) and I have also had to do a mad dash to Home Bargains to procure three Halloween costumes on the eve before the Halloween disco. Today I announced loudly that I was “going to Asda to get myself some sweet Halloween costumes” at school pick up, only to be mocked by my contemporaries who explained that there were no costumes to be had in any supermarkets as they’d sold out.
“But it’s not fucking Halloween yet! There’s ten bastard days to go. How can they have sold out now?
I was given the look. The look that says “I’m glad that you’re such a fuck up. It makes me feel better about myself”
That’s just me. I am a fuck up. How did I think that I could organise a wee event in which people became inebriated at the point of source?
Well obviously I can’t. We have been let down by a well known retailer who was supplying the t shirts as the momento of our day out. Shall we say that they are the Ryan Air of sports retailers. They’re cheap but shit. I first placed forty Running tops in a virtual basket six weeks ago but I thought that I d wait until we had final numbers before committing. We thought that a week would be enough time. I let the printers know that the t shirts would be with them for Friday or earlier but they won’t be because they just didn’t turn up. We sort of knew that they wouldn’t. There wasn’t the usual email trail of “your order has been processed” and “your order has been dispatched”. There was simply “thank you for your money!”
Today we sorted a reliable person whom we should have just used in the first place but we were trying to keep costs down. She asked what sizes we needed and when I said “ooooh just a selection” she was onto me. I think that she’d already guessed that I was a disaster zone so she asked for the email addresses of our participants so that she could email the and ask their size.
You will not be surprised to hear that I didn’t have that information. I am so much worse than that though. On the original post in which I told the world about our event I asked that they email me their details. The Email address that I supplied for myself was my email address from ten years ago and no longer valid. I put bank account details on to transfer money to. They were the bank account details of somebody that I know but completely the wrong bank account details. I wondered how the fuck I could make such a massive mistake and then I did it again and invited somebody else to send their hard earned cash to somebody completely separate from the run.
I’m good at many things but I couldn’t organise a piss up up in a brewery. Luckily I’ve got nice friends that pick up the pieces.
Christmas party at Totes Towers? You think that I’m joking……I’m not. I just don’t fucking learn.
Trevor likes his soft collar better than his cone of shame. I think that it looks like a gurning ring.
Chin chin, up yer bum Mofos.
If you are coming to the piss up at the brewery, don’t worry, I’m better at getting pissed and dancing than organising stuff.