Category Archives: Parenting

Well wrap me up in tinfoil and pop me in the oven for a couple of hours!

Well wrap me up in tinfoil and pop me in the oven for a couple of hours!

Well wrap me up in tinfoil and pop me in the oven for a couple of hours! Alternatively we could find a massive Christmas tree and I could sit on top!

We have had a couple of mornings with no screaming. Psycho Mummy has left the building!

I have been trying to make things more bearable and came up with the idea of no telly, IPads or anything else until everybody is ready to leave the house for school. It has worked two mornings Running. Unfortunately I’m now the least informed person in the UK on all news stories as when the telly is finally tuned on we have to watch “Team Titans Go”. I tried to plead to watch the news but my grovelling fell on deaf ears. Theresa could have fucked Brexit up or anything for all I know…….

As there is no telly, I have had to converse with the little shits. Subjects as varied as did Jesus twerk and what actually happens if you are crucified have been covered. It’s all very biblical in Totes Towers at the moment.

Blazer Boden ages ago £100ish
Polo H&M last week £9
Trousers Zara sale last year £7ish
Bag Kin from John Lewis £84
Sparkly socks TK Maxx
Shoes Zara £29.99

I bet you didn’t know that I’ve got a crack team of dedicated athletes training for a new Olympic sport here at Totes Towers!

I bet you didn’t know that I’ve got a crack team of dedicated athletes training for a new Olympic sport here at Totes Towers!

I bet you didn’t know that I’ve got a crack team of dedicated athletes training for a new Olympic sport here at Totes Towers! Yes that’s right, my three little darlings go above and beyond in their dedication to their chosen new sporting endeavour “Dehydration”. Yesterday I was super proud when I found all the… Continue Reading

In the bleak mid winter…and lo, I appear to be the only fucker that hasn’t got the Christmas decorations up.

In the bleak mid winter…and lo, I appear to be the only fucker that hasn’t got the Christmas decorations up.

In the bleak mid winter…and lo, I appear to be the only fucker that hasn’t got the Christmas decorations up. Why not cheer yourself up with a glass of Pinot noir, a new pair of patent navy blue boots and a stolen chocolate from an advent calendar. If that doesn’t work, go to plan B… Continue Reading

How to tell children about something terrible without scarring them for life…..the Totes way.

How to tell children about something terrible without scarring them for life…..the Totes way.

How to tell children about something terrible without scarring them for life…..the Totes way. No doubt the little darlings will need counselling for Post traumatic stress in later life. So here’s the thing. My poor lovely dog walker sent me a message yesterday to say that everything was ok but “please call me” Obviously I… Continue Reading

I am on the train to Euston!

I am on the train to Euston!

I am on the train to Euston! This is a fucking miracle! It’s a fucking miracle because it’s 6.15. I left work four hours ago and only just made it. Prior to leaving for home, I had bought myself some tights from Marks and Spensive. I wanted some grey tights but not woolly. The grey… Continue Reading