Parenting, Ramblings

Are your walls full of dirty handprints?

Are your walls full of dirty handprints?

Does you fridge door have sticky finger prints all over it?

Does your staircase look like it’s got patterned wallpaper with grey smudges when in fact it’s supposed to be white?

Do you keep begging your crotchfruit to wash their hands but the little fuckers just don’t?

Are you ashamed when the sun comes out and you see what damage the little darlings have done to your once pristine home?

Window! Are your windows covered in partial palm prints? How would the police get forensic evidence if some poor deluded fucker broke into your house to steal your shit telly and a couple of IPads that don’t work because they’ve been dropped?Do you sometimes wonder how your children haven’t contracted some sort of dreadful food poisoning because their hands are so dirty?

Have you ever banged your head repeatedly against the wall whilst crying and muttering

“why me?”

Me too – Hi my name is Totes. I’ve come up with a fantastic solution to your sticky fingered problem. My innovation is going to change your life!

My eureka moment whilst I was cleaning one day.

Kid Gloves come in a variety of sizes and are totally safe for your child to play in. They fasten on securely so you know that the sweaty, greasy and filthy little hands can’t get on your paintwork or high gloss kitchen units.

They may look similar to rubber gloves with elastic bands to hold them on but they have been manufactured to the highest of standards in China. They are hypoallergenic and totally safe for your small child unless they have an allergic reaction to rubber!

Have you got a glass table? Fear not, and think of the money that you will save on Mr Muscle glass cleaner.

This advertisement was brought to you by one of the designers of the “Toddler straightjacket” which is also a must have for all families with young children!
The other designer is currently serving a short custodial sentence in Styal Prison.

Kid Gloves are just £9.99 plus postage and packing of £3.50. You can have them personalised with your little darlings names for just £5 extra.

It’s Thirsty Thursday. I will be drinking a toast to my revolutionary design this evening.

Chin chin, up yer bum Mofos!

 

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