I am currently sat stinking in Totes Towers with a bag of peas on my leg and Trevor attached to me.
After last Fridays dramatic fall, I picked myself up, dusted myself down and got back on it because I’m an athlete.
I retired from a short run on Saturday with a pain in my calf and then it felt better today so I went out with my running bitches again today. 9 miles in and climbing a hill my calf twanged. It felt like something ripped in it. I had to shout the Long legged PTs back as they are so used to my whinging about going up hills.
The two Amazonian PTs went to get a car to pick me up and I waited patiently. Andrea my lovely friend came out of her house and demanded that I went in with her as her husband had seen Totes limping up their road.
My leg is fucked – it is broken. Do you think Trevor cares? Does he fuck. I got home and he attacked my trainers and pissed on the floor in excitement. Stoic bitch that I am, I took him for a walk. He took me to his favourite cafe so that he could beg sausages.
I have crawled home and my lovely neighbour Stuart has brought me some frozen peas.
Trevor pissed on the floor as soon as we got in and is refusing to get off my knee so that I can have a shower.
Please send gin and a handsome man to give me a bed bath. I might need some drugs for the pain……..also I need a cleaner – the house is a shithole.
Do you think that I need one of those boots to immobilise my leg? Does anybody know a doctor that specialised in athletes?
Bugger – do you think that I’ll be able to stand up behind the bar to do my duty at the school summer fair?
So many questions……. what will become of me?