Monthly Archives: March 2017

Are you fashion forward or backward? Take this quiz to find out!

Are you fashion forward or backward? Take this quiz to find out!

I’m wearing: Stripy blue and white jumper from Warehouse

Are you fashion forward or are you fashion backward like Dangerous?

Ok fashion forward bitches, just how fashion forward are you? Take my rocking quiz to find out (otherwise known as skiving off the ironing).

So we’ve all seen the dreadful news brought to us by the Mail implying that we shouldn’t be shopping in Zara after the age of 33. How do you feel about this?

A. I’m not that fussed. It sounds about right to me.

B. Well that’s not right is it. What a mean thing to imply. Half the women in Zara are over the age of 33.

C. What a load of old shite. What woman hating monster could possibly come up with this complete toss? I mean FFS?

How many stripy tops do you own?

A. 1 When it’s dirty, I wash it. 1 is ample.

B. 3 to 5. So obviously I have a navy and white, a black and white and a couple of other variations.

C. I have a corner of my walk in wardrobe dedicated to them. I’m guessing 80 to 100. I have so many stripy tops that I could clothe a whole battalion of sailors. They could go away for a couple of weeks and do the washing on their return.

You’re going out on a date with your equivalent of my Dangerous but what are you going to wear to make him feel special?

A. A nice little dress that I bought about 10 years ago. I’m quite frugal and my other half appreciates that about me.

B. A bodycon dress that will make him proud of me and make him want to rip my clothes off afterwards.

C. A pink tutu with platform boots and a metallic jacket. He will be horrified and that’s the way I like it.

Who is your style icon?

A. Margaret Thatcher

B. Jackie O

C. It’s me. I’m f***ing rocking. Why would I look to anybody else for inspiration.

And which celebrity do you resemble the most sartorially?

A. Amanda Holden

B. Kate Middleton

C. Marilyn Manson

What are your thoughts on Gingham?

A. I love a Gingham table cloth. It’s so very French.

B. It’s ok in small doses.

C. Just wrap me up in it. I’ve still got a trench coat from last time around but I’ll be wearing it from head to foot in contrasting colours. I’m going to be all Laura from Little House on the Prairie.

And how many pairs of shoes would you say you own?

A. Ooooh I own 4 pairs

B. Maybe about 30 pairs

C. Mmmmmm I’m not sure there’s probably about 50 pairs under the bed,100 in the wardrobe and another 30 hidden in my daughters wardrobe. Ooooh and 17 pairs in the boot of the car.

And finally…..what is your car boot for?

A. A spare tyre and bags for life.

B. Oh ok sometimes I hide purchases in the boot.

C. The boot of the car is a magical land of hidden treasure that is currently waiting to be transported into the house when my other half is out.

And the results…

Mainly As – FFS get a grip girl. Wake up and I’ll take you shopping. That card in your purse is for acquiring vast amounts of clothes.

Mainly Bs – Mmmmmm could try harder. You need to piss your other half off more. A bit too safe.

Mainly Cs – Well done Fashion Forward Sista. I salute you. Let’s go stage a protest outside The Mail to demand the resignation of the twisted individual who said we shouldn’t be shopping at Zara.

Oh OK then I’m doing some more ironing…

I’m like a modern day Nigella

I’m like a modern day Nigella

Hi my name is Totes. I’m like a modern day Nigella but I’m also a parenting guru. In essence I’m Nigella and the super nanny together but a bit more fashion forward. I’m thinking that you could call me “Super NigeNan” as I’m so sultry and good at cooking but with a hint of being… Continue Reading