Category Archives: Parenting

Back to school cool!

Back to school cool!

Back to school cool!

Ha, who am I kidding? It was another shit day at Totes Towers this morning. I managed to leave the dry washing out on the line last night and woke at 5.20 to the sound of heavy rain. I ran outside to find all my once dry towels and 4 pairs of the little shits shoes absolutely fucking wet through.
When I say I woke at 5.20 to the sound of heavy rain, I must be lying because I was awake half the night, boiling in my own sweat.
I had gone to bed with the windows open or so I thought but Dangerous had shut them. The fitted sheet came off as I’d writhed around and I had to change pillows as one was soaked.

I had left everything out for the first day back at school but this was no help and poor Oscar got shouted at by a hysterical hag because he couldn’t find his shoes, despite them being exactly where they should’ve been and he also went upstairs 4 times to put socks on and came down without them. He then proceeded to fuck the knees of his new trousers up by crawling around on the floor after he’d been warned repeatedly about it.

“They’ll think you’ve got last years trousers out of the fucking wash basket Oscar”

To which he cried and then I wanted to cry because I’d made him cry. We had to have a group hug and I had to say sorry for being a grumpy old cow.

Fucking living the dream again or as Phil would say “another day in paradise”

Dress Zara £39.99 not in the sale (it happens occasionally)
Boots M&S ages ago
Coat Zara sale £19.99
Necklace H&M £5

This will make you laugh, I’ve had a shit day and it’s all my own doing

This will make you laugh, I’ve had a shit day and it’s all my own doing

This will make you laugh, I’ve had a shit day and it’s all my own doing. Let’s set the scene….. What could be worse than coming back from your jollies to realise that you’ve not bought school uniform for the little shits to wear when’s school starts on Tuesday? What could be worse than all… Continue Reading

I am mummy, see my tummy

I am mummy, see my tummy

” I am mummy, see my tummy, behold and refold that fucking washing, that I put in your room, your room is fetid, I hope that that the swimming instructor was vetted, I don’t like the look of him, shitter, we’ve run out of gin. Yes I am a mum, no you’re not having another… Continue Reading

National Trust

National Trust

National Trust Good morning, we are live from the leisure centre. When I say live, I mean sort of live (shuffling like a zombie) as we’re a bit hungover. The little shits aren’t hungover but I am and I suspect JuJu is but she’s being a stoic bitch. She needs to be…. Yesterday saw a… Continue Reading

You put a jumper on because it’s raining and the sun comes out. I’m boiling now.

You put a jumper on because it’s raining and the sun comes out. I’m boiling now.

You put a jumper on because it’s raining and the sun comes out. I’m boiling now. My house looks like a shithole. I’m procrastinating instead of sorting it out. My bedroom in particular is a disgrace and it needs sorting. Thug Pug has added a whole new level of filth and mess to our home… Continue Reading

I’m knackered

I’m knackered

I’m knackered. I got up this morning, having been up half of the night with Oscar who had such a high temperature that he stood up in bed to talk to the wall. I phoned 111 yesterday and the nice lady suggested a trip to A and E because our patient had neck ache and… Continue Reading